Unwanted Sex & Consent
At Learning Consent we spend a lot of time talking with young people about unwanted sex. Although evidence suggests experiences of unwanted sex are common for young people, stories of unwanted sex are not often told because they cannot be neatly categorised as consensual or non-consensual sex.
Findings from the most recent National Survey of Australian Secondary Students and Sexual Health which surveys over 6000 year 10, 11 and 12 students across Australia, revealed that amongst sexually active students, 37% of female students and 16% of male students reported an experience of unwanted sex. Of those who reported having sex when they didn’t want to, just over 50% cited being influenced by their partner as their reason for having participated.
Overseas, statistics vary significantly but generally the research points to unwanted sex as being a common, and even normalised, experience for young women in the Western world. A study of New-Zealand senior high hchool students found that of the 200 female participants, 77% reported having experienced one or more incidents of unwanted sex. A more recent study with American undergraduate students aged between 18 and 23 found that of the 187 heterosexual female participants, one third reported engaging in unwanted sex.
The term ‘unwanted sex’ has been defined in a number of ways – and other terms are frequently used as substitutes. These include the terms ‘consensual unwanted sex’ and ‘sexual compliance’. According to several definitions of consent, consensual unwanted sex reads as an oxymoron. Often a crucial aspect of definitions of consent is the desiring of the sexual activity the person in consenting to. Yet research has demonstrated that, particularly with regards to women in heterosexual relationships, it is not uncommon for a woman to consent ‘freely’ and ‘willingly’ to participate in sex that she has no desire for.
Unwanted sex is murky territory – it represents a complex realm of sexual experience for young people. It is oftentimes mistakenly conflated with non-consensual sex, and hence classified as rape. Yet, on the contrary, it is also often normalised – dismissed/assumed to be part of the intimate labour women undertake in order to maintain heterosexual relationships. It is common for young people to regard an experience of unwanted sex as their own fault, and to not speak about it. So there is very little visibility or public discourse concerning young people’s experiences of unwanted sex.
At Learning Consent, our seminars and workshops incorporate case studies of real-life scenarios where young people describe participating in unwanted sex. Engaging young people in conversations about unwanted sex is key to exploring some of the common pressures that can lead to experiences of non-consensual sex.
