I’m 21. Here’s what school sex ed did not teach me about consent.

I graduated from a private school girls school in 2018. My school-based sex education did not adequately equip me to start having sex.

School sex education programs differ vastly between schools depending on whether they are private, catholic, public or anything else.  For example, some religious schools may teach an abstinence-only sex ed program, while others may be inclusive and sex positive. At my school, there was a lot I was not taught.

We were not taught that sexual assault does not always look the same and that asking for consent does not always look the same. 

I was not taught that a rapist will most likely be someone you know. My education on rape was that a stranger grabs a girl while she’s drunk at a party and rapes her behind a dumpster.

My peers and I were not taught that if you are sexually assaulted, it is most likely to be in a location you are familiar and comfortable with.

We were not taught what sexual assault is, how it can look different to someone holding a person down and forcing their penis into a vagina.

We were not taught that the perpetrator of sexual assault can be any gender, the survivors of sexual assault can be any gender.

We were not taught that masturbation can be a good thing and pleasure should be the focus of sex.

We were not taught that sex can be more than penetration, and it may be a case of trial and error.

We were not taught that sometimes sex will be bad, but sometimes it will be assault – and what the difference between the two is.

Why weren’t we taught that stuff?

It should be a minimum that sex education teaches pleasure, consent and enjoyment as a focus of sex. I wish I was taught what consent looks like in various forms and different ways to ask for it. I wish I was taught the number of sexual partners you have does not matter. I wish I was taught how to recognise grooming, and how to leave uncomfortable situations. I wish my friends and I had been empowered to speak up, to say no and regain our power. I wish we had been provided with reliable and informative resources for where to get further information on sex.

Young people deserve and require foundational consent education so they can make informed decisions about sex and their bodies. A robust education is the key to empowerment.